Better Without It
by Nights Sleepless
Summary: Companion-like fic to 'Restless'. Sarah/Derek.


Like the summary says, this is the companion fic to 'Restless'. Sarah/Derek, because I just really love them but there isn't a lot of thier fics out there. I find them fun to write with, because it's a challenge to keep them in character (let me know how well I did on that), but testing out the romance and tension between them. Since that have very little such interactions, and only if you squint. Which I kinda like, since I hate it when shows jump into things like that. And I just really hate Jesse, grr.

Special thanks to Charlotte Reese for beta-ing.

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The night was windy, battering the house, and causing Sarah Connor to lie awake in bed, listening to the sounds. To the tree branches scraping the windows, or loose boards rattling. It was unsettling the way her imagination kept getting carried away, making her think those sounds were evil things, and she was doing her very best to try to get to sleep. But it seemed impossible. Sighing, she decided to go on a quick walk through the house to see if everything was okay.

Stopping by John's room first, she saw him stretched out across the bed, which would have been more suitable for a six year old. The room entirely would have been more suitable for a six year old. It consisted of bold red, blue, and yellow colors. And was strewn with little toy trucks or dinosaurs. The look on his face when he saw it was priceless, and Sarah smiled, remembering it again fondly.

Moving on, she paused when she saw Cameron standing in the hallway, her back to Sarah, as she stared out the window into the night. Sarah doubled back and moved down the stairs, skipping over the steps that creaked. The house seemed exceptionally colder that night, and as she shivered, Sarah regretted not grabbing a jacket. Rubbing her arms up to her nearly bare shoulders, only concealed by the spaghetti straps and her hair, she descended the last few steps and moved to the front door. Satisfied it was locked and secured, she moved to the living room.

He was laying on the couch, on his side with his back to her. Sarah was almost surprised to see him tonight. They had a fight about her priorities on raising John, and Sarah had stormed to her room. But not before telling him that he shouldn't stay. Most of the time he snuck off during the night, anyway. Sighing, she moved closer, but kept her distance, not wanting to wake him. Her eyes studied him hard, looking for signs he was awake, and when she was somewhat satisfied he was asleep, even when she knew there could really be no way of telling with him, she leaned against the sturdy armoire.

The goosebumps on her arms slowly dissolved, and her eyes glanced around at the shadows that filled the room. Houses always seemed to be more threatening, and frightening, at night. Maybe it was the dark, the mystery of the unseen. The idea of not knowing is what scares humans the most. Her eyes soon moved back to Derek's sleeping form. The blanket he had been lying with had been pulled away, revealing the gun that had been tucked away between his lower back and his pants. Sarah reflexively reached to let her fingers graze her own gun, but realized she had left it under her pillow.

It was strange the way seeing Derek there made her feel more at ease. It was easier to convince herself the noises were just from the wind. She was grateful towards him, for the way he put his life at risk to try and keep them safe. It was his job, something he had to do, but Sarah still appreciated it. Not like she would ever tell him how much she valued his presence, how much she needed him there, not just to protect them but to remind her what she needed to do.

It was harder having him there, though, knowing his brother had been Kyle. That he was John's uncle. And seeing those little things about him that reminded her of Kyle. The way he breathed when he ran out of breath or the way he held a gun. The way he could get frustrated over something complete oblivious and innocent to Sarah.

Sarah had been so lost in thought, she jumped back quickly when Derek suddenly rolled over, snatching his gun and pointing it at her. She stood completely still, hands held out slightly when she had jumped. He stared at her for a moment. It was completely silent, neither knowing what to do. After a moment, he slowly lowered his gun, setting it down on the coffee table. "What were you doing?" he asked her in that demanding tone she hated.

"Checking everything, making sure everything was fine." she answered confidently, stepping forward and straightening up, crossing her arms in front of her. She lifted her chin slightly, daring him to question her.

"So, that's why you were standing there for five minutes, just staring at me?" he asked, sitting up, rubbing his eyes awake.

"What?" Sarah asked, her facade wavering as she tilted her head, wondering if she'd heard him right. Five minutes? No, he was definitely exaggerating...right?

"Give or take," he answered, shrugging.

"I don't know, I guess I was just thinking," she answered. She could feel her face growing hot, which was something she really did not appreciate. He watched her for a moment, expressionless. Sarah returned the stare firmly. Even though she felt like turning and going back to bed, and sparing herself the embarrassment.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked her. There was something about Derek's voice that always alerted Sarah. It was strong, and angry, and always sounded like he was hiding something. It always made her listen to him, to decode every word he uttered. Even when she was ignoring him, she heard everything he said.

She shook her head and found herself moving towards the couch. Sitting down next to him, she leaned back, pulling her knees up and hugging them to her. He turned to look at her, still expressionless. "I don't know."

"Okay," he answered. He was silent for a moment and Sarah rested her chin on her knees. "Let's make it easier. _Who_ were you thinking about?"

Sarah looked up at him. He had his arm propped up against the back of the couch, so he could face her. His other arm was resting in his lap. But everything about him said he was solid and stiff, and nowhere near relaxed. Everything he did was deliberate, with reason. The silence trailed on, but he still stared at her, waiting for her reply. "I thought you were going to leave," she said after what seemed like an eternity. Her stern voice sounded too loud in the quiet room.

He sighed and turned away, staring at the gun on the table. "So did I." It was silent a minute longer and Sarah watched him carefully. It had never occurred to her that he could be considered 'good-looking'. It never crossed her mind; she never had a reason to look at him that way. She didn't have a reason to look at him in that way right now, either, but suddenly her eyes registered him. Sure, he looked rugged, and mysterious. With cold eyes. But that was part of what made him good-looking. He had a wide build, and looked like he could snap your neck. But there must have been a part of him that could love. He had loved Kyle.

"Derek." She didn't whisper his name, or lace it with new found affection. It was plain and simple, flat and emotionless.

He turned back to look at her, but his eyes held hers delicately this time, instead of the usual challenging stare. "You should go back to bed," he told her, even with his gaze delicate, his voice was firm.

Sarah sighed, but didn't move. They stared at each other for a moment longer, until she finally nodded. Quietly, she unfolded herself and picked herself up from the couch. But he caught her wrist and she turned around to look at him.

"I stayed...because I need to be here, as much as you need me to be here."

Watching as his hand slowly slipped from her wrist, his fingers brushing her hand, she just nodded. Her voice had suddenly vanished. There wasn't anything she could have said, anyway. Turning back, she moved silently away from him back the way she came. His eyes were burning a hole in her back, but she forced herself not to look around. As soon as she was safe in her room, with the door pushed close, she let the breath she had been holding in, out. The rest of the night, she seemed to get more sleep than the hours that actually passed. And her face never did cool down.

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Good enough to review??


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